SATIRE - CUSTOM MADE WORLD MAPS - CUSTOMER DRAWS THE DESIRED BORDERS, the publisher prints them - No request is too outrageous - Customer satisfaction guaranteed - Currently working on ISIS world caliphate maps that may include YOUR country.

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SATIRE by Zbigniew Zwgstkstwig

I always meet with my old friend Oliver for coffee at least once a week.  A book publisher, he is often crying over how bad business is, and how people don't read books anymore. 

 

Today he called me and he was so excited I could hardly understand what he was saying.  I asked him to please slow down.

 

I can't, he said out of breath.  'Meet me in ten minutes at the Usual Café and I'll explain.'

 

When I got there, he was already gulping his usual brew. 

 

'This is the deal', he said.  'I read that Harper and Collins has made a killing by selling custom made maps to the Arab Gulf States specifically printed to omit one entire country:  Israel.' 

 

'Yes', I said.  'It's quite disgraceful.  But what does it have to do with you?  You are a romance book publisher.'

 

'It has everything to do with me', he emphasized.   'I sell fantasies.  HC sells fantasy maps and they get paid top dollar or dinar or whatever for their products while I'm struggling.'

 

'What I intend to do is this', he continued:  'I will sell custom-made maps to every country and insurgent group in the world.'  

 

'There is hardly anyone that does not have some kind of claim to somebody else's land', he continued.

 

'Sometimes they're right, sometimes they are just being greedy.  That's not my problem, though.  I am here to satisfy my customer, like Harper and Collins.'

 

'OK, I get it', I said.  'But wouldn't that be kind of, you know, unethical?  I mean, there are internationally recognized borders and such.' 

 

'No, no, and no', he retorted.  'The "recognized" part is fully political and temporary.  It has little or nothing to do with the actual historical rights of the people living there.' 

 

'Take Iraq and Syria, for example, said Oliver.  It's as if the British in a drunken stupor just drew lines wherever they fell and Voila', you had two independent countries.  And they did not stop there.  The whole Mideast map has their drunken imprint.'

 

'Now take Israel.  Poor Israel.  Man, Jews have a history going back thousands of years on that land, but as far as the international community goes, they can only claim what's on this side of a wavy line left after a war with the Arabs in 1948.  The previous 5000 or 7000 years, I don't remember, count for zilch.  And not even that.  Harper and Collins erased the whole country to please the Arabs.' 

 

'Sure', I agreed.  'If the Palestinians claim all of Israel, and they may get at least a piece of it, then why shouldn't other groups get their own country too.  You could make maps with the Falklands as British owned, or as belonging to Argentina', I said, catching Oliver's enthusiasm.  'And now the North Pole is up for grabs.'

 

'Exactly!  So borders are unstable.  And nobody is safe.  Take Britain, for example.  They could lose Scotland one of these days.  And Spain could lose Catalonia.  France has several territories that could demand independence.  Italy could break up.  It's all very fluid.'

 

Then Oliver came closer and in a whisper he said:  'I'm thinking big.  ISIS or Islamic State now claims the whole world.  I've offered to make maps for them that include whatever they want as their own Caliphate.  Then other groups will counteract with other claims.  Think about it', he smiled.  'This business will make me rich.'

 

'Aren't you concerned that maps and their publishers won't ever be trusted again?'

 

Oliver leaned back on his seat, and with a well-confident look he said,  'If Harper and Collins that had a reputation to defend don't mind, then I don't.'

 

He looked away wistfully for a moment, and added, 'The West is doomed, anyway.  We're all doomed.  We are surrendering to religious tyranny in the name of tolerance.  I just want to enjoy my money while I can before all women go around in burkas, and booze and fun are banned forever.'

 

Copyright:  Zbigniew Zwgstkstwig

THIS IS ISIS' MAP OF THEIR ENVISIONED CALPHATE

 

 

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FACTS BEHIND THE SATIRE: 
HARPER COLLINS ERASES ISRAEL FROM THEIR ATLASES
 TO SATISFY THEIR ARAB CUSTOMERS

http://ottersandsciencenews.blogspot.ca/2014/12/harper-collins-erases-israel-off-its.html

 

HARPER AND COLLINS' MAP OF THE MIDEAST WITHOUT ISRAEL

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