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Tuesday, November 29, 2016

HILARIOUS: HOW A MAN MET HIS WIFE - A story illustrating the quirks of the English language

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This 1994 essay uses logical words that actually don't exist but whose construction make perfect sense in a twisted and hilarious way.  
As I posted this article my computer spellcheck was going nuts!

 
How a Man Met his Wife 
By Jack Winter, The New Yorker
It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.
 
I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array.  Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.
 
I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it, since I was travelling cognito.  Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable.
 
Continue reading and smiling

 
Only toward and heard-of behavior would do. Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or sung hero were slim.
 
I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion. So I decided not to rush it.
 
But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads or tails of. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.
 
Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good.
 
She told me who she was. "What a perfect nomer," I said, advertently. The conversation became more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.

Source -   http://www.newyorker.com/archive/1994/07/25/1994_07_25_082_TNY_CARDS_000367745
 
 
 
 
 

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