HOW A MAN MET HIS WIFE - THE QUIRKS OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Tom and Ray of NPR's Car Talk show read an excerpt of this 1994 essay today that uses logical words that actually don't exist (as opposite of words that do exist). It's rather funny.   My computer spellcheck was going nuts!

How a Man Met his Wife. 

By Jack Winter, The New Yorker. 

It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.

 

I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array.  Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.

 

I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it, since I was travelling cognito.  Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable.

 

Only toward and heard-of behavior would do. Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or sung hero were slim.

 

I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion. So I decided not to rush it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads or tails of. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.

 

Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good.

 

She told me who she was. "What a perfect nomer," I said, advertently. The conversation became more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.

Source -   http://www.newyorker.com/archive/1994/07/25/1994_07_25_082_TNY_CARDS_000367745

Don't miss Car Talk every Saturday morning on NPR. You'll get quite a few chuckles after a hard work week.  - 
Car Talk - http://www.cartalk.com/

More quirks in the English Language - http://www.siliconhell.com/mindbenders/english.htm


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THE SINISTER ORIGIN OF SOME ENGLISH LANGUAGE PHRASES

What do pulling my leg, gone to pot, rule of thumb originally meant?

Read more -  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2388615/Are-pulling-leg-The-surprisingly-sinister-origins-commonly-used-phrases.html



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